Thursday, February 26, 2009

Neverending Wait at the Bus Stop

Intended for audiences between 13 and 18The purpose of this piece is to observe someone and form a story or make conclusions based on what is seen on the outside from a third person point of view.

Tanya is in the glass booth sitting on the little piece of wood that can barely be considered a “bench” all snuggled up just hoping the bus would actually arrive at the time that it was intended to as shown on the pole beside her. She was on the way back from her friend’s house before she just missed the previous bus that would take her to the comfort and warmth of her own home. Beside her, neatly placed on the ground not to far away was something that looked like a dark blue gym bag. From this we presume that one of her hobbies may be going to the gym and exercising as her body also had a lot to show for it. She was wearing light grey track pants with the letters TNA running down the side as well as a pair of light brown boots and a really big pink jacket with a fur hood over her head. Stuck on the gym bag was a nametag the name “Tanya” on it and the label “Superstore” on top of it in big black letters. From that I guessed that she may be a part time employee at the store. She looked about nineteen years old but was quite short for that age. Her face was hidden within her hood so there were very small glimpses of facial expression. She looked tired and cold and very anxious for the bus to arrive. She lived in the nabourhood with both her parents and her little brother for quite some time now. She lived a normal happy life and looked quite proud of her achievements.

4 comments:

  1. I get the get the general understanding of her persona, but she lacks depth; when you say she lived a normal happy life. Is she not still living? and why is her life happy? Paragraphing the thoughts would also help you post read easier. Good effort though :D

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  2. instead of 'we' use 'one' or else audience will question 'who is we?' also don't write in first person. use proper paragraph format. also i wanted to know about what Tanya's feeling are in more depth. but not bad.

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  3. I have to agree with the other two, you got to get to the depth of the charater. What made her life happy? How did she die? Did she die? Also paragraph agian, its a good way to split the thought process.


    WORD VARAFICATION!

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  4. i look forward to reading your poetry blogs

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